Please pray for me. I get so depressed because I feel like my life is out of control. Here is my story. I was the youngest of 5, significantly younger than the next youngest. I learned at an early age that my problems and worries were nothing compared to my older siblings. My parents cared, but they were just so busy dealing with my older siblings... college, marriage, babies... what are the problems of a 9 year old compared to that? So I never went to anyone when I had a problem. An uncle was abusive to me, and still I didn't tell anyone. I just tried to deal with it alone. Fast forward to adulthood. The day of my father's funeral, some woman called to tell me she had met my fiance and slept with him. The day of my father's funeral, for crying out loud. The thing is, we had just lost my oldest sister 6 weeks before, and our wedding was 6 weeks away. My fiance admitted to meeting her, but denied sleeping with her. We went ahead with the wedding because i just couldn't do that to my mother. Then we had a series of losses,
including my nephew, an d ending with 9/11 (I live not Fast from NYC and knew about 8 people who died). Fast forward 4 more years, our house burned down. Then my son was born, and i found out my now husband was still talking to this woman. He promised to break it off. My son was diagnosed with autism, my mother passed, and my husband never broke it off. I wanted to divorce him, but when I went to my sister looking for understanding and support, i was told to let it go because he was "only talking to her", and we really needed his income to stay in our home. I felt so alone, and so betrayed. Ten years on, my husband did finally end it, but I have such a hard time trusting him. My son is doing ok, but I'm scared for him. I know i am seriously depressed, but can do nothing about it because I can't afford health insurance for myself. My depression and anxiety causes me to procrastinate, making any small problem into a huge one because I didn't handle it. And as the problems get bigger, I get more depressed. I cannot remember the last time I felt true joy, though my son is the light in my life. I just hate that he sees me so depressed, and our life is so chaotic. Please, please, pray that God lifts me out of this fog and shows me the path I should take to straighten my mess of a life out. I want him to see a Mom who lives joyfully in God's light, rather than one always hiding in the shadows of fear and doubt. I want to be at peace. Please, please, pray for us.