My heart is breaking for you dear Flossy. I really sincerely hope that this is a false memory and that your father did not molest you . You need a counsellor to help you work this out. If he did do such a horrible thing then you have kept it buried for years and the memory has been harming you and if he didn’t then he was possibly abusive in some other way towards you. You really need to get counselling - to talk with a therapist to help you move forward and away from your painful past -a therapist could help with your addiction too. I pray that your inner child is healed and that you seek help. If this awful thing did happen then you need to know it was NOT your fault. Dear Flossy I pray for you and for a wonderful future for you 💕
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You are a GOOD person and you’re not selfish - reach out for help as you deserve to be helped. May God be with you on your journey out of addiction and sorrow to the happiness that lies ahead for you.💕