Hello everyone. Things are ok right now a lot of the pressure has died down. I dont know what is next and thats ok. I am confident God is working it out. I am battling myself to be productive and not fall back into a slumber of isolation. I have tasks in front of me that i want to procrastinate because of the challenge and lack of experience. A couple things I have learned I would like to share. 1. A good attitude makes a impossible task possible, do what you can and don't stress what you can not do. A bad attitude makes a possible task more difficult and than the impossible task. Grumbling and complaining just adds to the frustration and difficulty of the task. Your attitude is contagious as well. Also faith is walking into uncertainty and trusting God. It is not having all of the answers and trusting God will work it out. In the last few months I feel I have been pushed back and forth between staying at my current job and leaving to go to Florida for bible college. On one hand I feel like God is saying it isn't necessary to go do that and my assignment is here. Also to support this theory, I may be trying to escape a difficult assignment by going. On the other hand i feel God wants me to follow my dream but be willing to surrender my plans. Every time I settle the matter of my future in my mind , the wind blows me a different direction. I think maybe the good Lord is trying to get me to surrender to the present and trust and believe that he will direct me when and as needed. So i am not planning anything until more is revealed. I also am in the process of learning not to submit to anxiety or sensations in my body that I identify with stress. That energy that doesn't feel good the obe that flows through your body, I am trained to associate with doom, or fear, or worry. The energy is either caused by my worry or its the source of the worry either way i can't walk as a slave to how my flesh feels. This is difficult because my default setting is to submit to the sensations in my body. I pray that the good Shepherd helps me learn to convert this energy and sensation to Faith. To belive against the direction of the wind. To be unshakeable in my faith. Because that same worry that says everything is going to go wrong, every thing is gonna fail, is the same voice and feeling that also tells me to do nothing, to procrastinate, to not work hard. So it tells me to do nothing about the problems and also reminds of the problems. I thank God for everything and resent the fact that I quit and denied him so many times in the face of hardships. When I get overwhelmed I like to vent and speak bitterness. Thank you god for you mercies and your grace. Thank you everyone for all your prayers and life that you have spoken to me in this journey. Pray that I learn to always abide in Christ Jesus and stay connected to the vine. The Lord is good and he is working all things for your good no matter what your eyes perceive. Believe it and receive. God bless amen.
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