depression is psychological moment, I got depressed also few years ago, never go to church for how many years because I felt the same with you being abandoned and then like you want to end myself but there is an inner voice of thought that make me awake," what will happen to my family if I will end my life because of so much depressed, does my family ready to accept if I will end my life, does my husband will back to me if I will end my life?" then I get up and back to work make myself busy and now I could say it is only God's test to me. I would like to say that make yourself busy and keep also to mingle to others with your trusted one, do not overthink what you heard in your surroundings, little by little you will overcome