Don't give up. I feel the same. At the moment I have so much pain in my neck and head that I keep praying that God takes this pain away and I will get help for prescription pain killers that run my life. I have had 2 failed surgeries on my neck and have a brain tumour as well. I had a brain scan 2 weeks ago and I still haven't got the result and have told my neurosurgeon that I will have another operation if it takes this pain away. I dont know what you are on but I understand the desperation of addiction. Sober for 18 years. The devil only wants bad for us so don't give in to suicidal thoughts because he wants to steal and destroy our lives.

Amen