I struggle. It hurts to even look at the women at the beach by heart aches with fear and intimidation. I think God gave me word about the type of wife I will have but I have doubts now. It's been a long time. I don't wanna wait. There are a few open doors but I want better, I fear that is my designated woman and I reject her. Thoughts pass through my mind about running away from His will to find her. I get angry at God and idk eve. know what the future holds, I am angry at my self for not realizing my potential and wasting my youth. Four years until I am forty. It literally hurts to think about or go anywhere. Idk how to handle the sadness and fear and loneliness ND the thought that Iay never have someone I truly desire.

Good morning and God bless you all. I pray that all of our barriers are broken, our limits raised, our hearts healed, that we be filled with perseverance and courage to ride out the storms of shaking and breaking as we are pruned and completed. I pray that we be overcome with desires of love for one another, that we be filled with the mind of our creator, our true Father. That we can find a way to thrive in our seemingly hostile environs and lean on the Father's wisdom and provision. And most of all I pray that we (I) learn to commune with the Holy Spirit on a greater level (to be still and not rush) to learn to accept and even awe His great timing. And last I pray that we discover ourselves and our true identity, our true potential, our true authority as sons and daughters of the Most High God. May it be so Father.

So curious about all things supernatural that it sometimes drives me crazy. I have so many questions.

I haven't written here much lately. I'm a lot more grateful today than I have been in a long time. I am facing a legal matter I have run from for years Monday. I'm not as scared I imagined although some what anxious. God has shown me a lot over the last few years, enough to trust him and face this thing, enough to know he's always with me and protects and provides and heals my heart. I believe he protects me from me and that no harm could come to me unless it goes by Him and if He allows it then it results in pruning/growth for me.. I still struggle with making time to read my word and the patience to learn to sit in his presence out.

I'm going to do something tomorrow and I pray I have God's blessing and protection. Its something I have wanted to do for awhile and has cause me much strife in longing for!