Thank you and may God bless everyone who prays for me. I want to stop asking but I'm really struggling with this feeling of heaviness in my spirit. I am plagued by anxiety and depression. I feel like I'm getting fatter and uglier. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I feel like I don't want anyone to see me. I'm anxious and I feel like nothing I do will really matter. I'm trying to stay motivated but I'm feeling this heaviness so strongly and it's distressing me and making me distracted and stealing my energy and I just want to sleep but I can't because I have to work out because I'm getting fatter but I feel so terrible. Please pray God would help me to force myself to do this.

I am grateful to all those who pray for me. I don't even know what I need to connect with people and be able to communicate properly but what other people have, is lacking in me. I can't connect to people emotionally and I've tried. I know it's partly to do with how I was raised. I'm trying to come out of an addiction and draw closer to God at the same time. Please pray God would have mercy on me and give me the grace to stop sinning so I can get closer to Him. I've tried to stop sinning on my own and for some reason, I can't. I think partly it's because being sober I've become aware of how disconnected from everyone I really am and how I can't relate even if I try. I feel like I don't belong in this world. I feel like I exist in a place where everyone else is able to connect. I don't want to go back into addiction to fill this pain. I'm emotionally messed up to the point that only God can fix me and I'm at the mercy of if He's willing to or not. Also, I don't know how to open up my heart because I had to shut it and guard myself at a young age or be destroyed. I don't know why I'm here when there is nothing adaptive about me. I can't afford not to hope in God but I've been praying to be delivered from whatever it is that's telling me I should just leave because it's not going to get better. I've tried to quiet that voice but when I look around me, that is my reality and it is getting harder and harder not to lose heart. I'm losing the last bit of hope I have. I've been holding on for decades and I'm starting to worry that this won't get better and in that case, I don't have it in me to do even ten more years of this.

Please pray God would give me the strength and motivation to remain here despite all my feelings telling me I don't belong here and I'm a burden to everyone. Please pray God would help me be able to receive and feel His unconditional love for me and that He would help me release and let go of all bitterness and resentment I have for anyone who hurt me in the past that I am still holding on to whether or not I know it. Please pray God would have His Holy Spirit change me completely and that I start to want what God wants for me.

Thankyou and God bless everyone who prays for me. I know without a doubt that that is why I'm still here today. I wish I could say my depression was cured but I still have it. I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. I won't act on them but part of me wonders why I got sober as I'm only getting fatter and nothing really has improved. My brother came over with his child and I'm reminded of all the things I'll never have and never be and what a disappointment I am to my parents because I didn't turn out normal and they raised us both the same so they're wondering why I'm the one that is messed up. I wish I was normal. I wish they would have accepted me as different and not made me feel bad about myself and have to figure it out on my own and emotionally try to raise myself and cover up my depression on my own growing up. I still can't form attachments or bond properly with people. I still can't even communicate what I need or want. I still lack basic skills to live independently if only because my parents made me feel so incompetent about everything and they would be hypercritical even if I made a little mistake, I stopped trying things because I didn't want to mess up. Well now I don't even know what I should know or where to begin. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of figuring this all out by myself and coming out of this addiction, it killed my motivation. I want to get better. I want to get away from my family who has made me to believe I can't be on my own. I'm starting to feel like they're holding me back and making me feel bad about myself. If that makes any sense? I need direction. I need courage. I need to speak up but I don't know what I should say or what I need. Please pray God would help me. Please pray God would help me to recieve His unconditional love for me and see myself the way He sees me. Please pray God would help me forgive and release all bitterness and resentment and anger about anyone who has hurt me in the past that I'm holding on to whether or not I'm aware of it. Please pray God would help me see the world in a more positive way and help me communicate with people properly and that He would give me the motivation to keep fighting and stay alive despite all my feelings telling me I should leave. Thankyou and God bless you all.

I'm really going through a hard time mentally. None of the medications I have ever been perscribed have worked for more than maybe a week. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 15 and I'm 35 now. It's only getting worse despite all I try and do to not get into that mindset. I try and stay in the Word and I pray to God to take this daily but nothing changes. I don't have bad thoughts anymore, I just feel bad all the time no matter what. It's been like this for so long now but I can't bear the thought of living the rest of my life like this because I'm not really living. The urge to take my life keeps growing and at the same time, I'm starting to lose hope this will get better. God knows how hard I've held on but I can't hold on forever. I can't talk about this with anyone without feeling like I'm bringing them down or making them uncomfortable and besides no one could really help me with this anyway. Only God can. I have heard that we won't be given more than we can handle but this is much more than I can handle, it has been for a very long time now. It's almost unbearable. Hell is starting to seem less like a threat and more like a current reality, like I already ended my life and I'm already in hell. I can't feel connection. I can't say what is wrong or what I need or figure out what I need to do to make this better and I don't have the energy to keep on seeking. This is impossible and I'm not Jesus and I feel like I'm expected to be. I can't handle this anymore. Nothing helps. I've had this forever and it never goes away. I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I can't do this much longer. Why won't God help me? I don't want to bother you people with my issues. Truth be told, I'd much rather kill myself than bother people with this. But, I'm afraid of hell and that is where I was raised to believe I would go if I did end my life no matter how painful existing is or how overwhelmed and disconnected I feel or how many nights I endlessly cried out to God and He would have none of it. Living in the mental state I do, I know that there most defenitely is a hell. Please pray God would take this away before I run out of options. I am trying to stay strong and I wonder if God made me to love Him only for Him to hurt me or if all my efforts to stay here are in vain and that God never meant for me to go to heaven and that maybe I was never meant to be saved no matter how much I want it.

I don't think I can last another year waiting on God. I'm trying really really hard to not cut my life short and I'm hoping against all hope God intervene because my life depends on whether or not He cares enough to make His presence known. I can't stand this mental torment anymore. This is more than I can handle and in 1 Corinthians 10:13, it says we won't be given more than we can handle. But, this is more than I can handle and I'm not handling it much longer to wait for a god who refuses to love me despite my efforts.

Please pray for me. I feel like I've waited all I can for God to deliver me from depression and it's been 20 years and despite my seeking Him, it's only gotten worse. I'm feeling very hopeless and I'm too discouraged to try and make myself feel better because it isn't working anymore. Nothing matters. I have never gotten an answer despite my persistence. I'm doubting God's love. I'm doubting God's goodness and faithfulness. I want to believe He keeps His promises and maybe He does to everyone else but not to me. It's been far too long. I've waited far too long. God made me to hurt me. God's goodness and mercy are nothing but pain and disappointment. He doesn't love me though I've tried to get Him to notice me. I'm only still alive because I'm afraid if I kill myself I will go to hell. I am starting to think I'm going there regardless because He meant for this to be too much for me to handle even though He says He won't do that. He doesn't love me. I'm praying God will give me a reason to stay here before it's too late. It's almost too late. I don't think I will last another year.

Please pray God has mercy on me. Numbness is the closest thing I feel to peace and I don't use anymore so I'm back to feeling nothing but sorrow again. It's exhausting to act like I'm ok during the day when I don't know what ok would even feel like because I never was. People my age are married and having children. I want to fall in love and be married and have a child but I can't even bond properly with people. I have been seeking God for years and years and years with all my might and I'm getting increasingly frustrated and hurt by being ignored. I have wanted to take my life for years now and I haven't because I'm afraid of hell. I feel like I've been waiting for relief that will never come and that my seeking has all been in vain. Part of me wonders if I should just give in and get the vaccine so at least my parents will be happy. Part of me wonders if I should just go back to using since I stopped. I thought if I stopped, God would listen to me and respond and that I would hear Him better and be healed and feel love. But, all I feel is pain. I have yet to see any of His promises come to pass in my life. Why does He hate me? What did my ancestors do? Why won't He respond? Why does He want to push me to suicide? Why does He continue to make me wait when I'm already too broken to trust and believe even when I try to? Why won't He have mercy on me and just let me stop feeling this pain? I feel like the only thing that will make it end is death because hell can't hurt much worse. I feel increasingly abandoned by God. I feel worse as each day passes. If anyone could tell me why He won't respond and why He hates me so much or what I have to do to get Him to respond please let me know because I've done all I can apart from ending my life and I'm trying with everything I have not to end it but God ignores me. I have lost all hope in His love, He abandoned me too many times and He wouldn't come through if my life depended on it because it does and He hasn't. I'm only holding on for my parent's sake but does it even matter?